Unchain Your Mind | We Never Said Hello

10:36pm. My alarm will go off in 4hrs before I start another work day. I look forward to making today another yesterday. Today was a really bad day. 

I thought about "it" every single second after I left work. I wanted to write a poem about "it" but I've reached my quota on scorned poems for now.  I created distractions to avoid thinking about "it" so that I could just go to sleep and avoid the tears and regrets. But then I remember that I have responsibilities. 

I have homework. I have to bathe my kid. I have to make more CDs. I have to write a new poem for an event. I can't do this. I only want to write about what's bothering me right now..."it". I allowed this to manifest and root itself and now I don't have the strength or desire to dig it up and throw it out. I knew I should've put my pen down when I said I was!

I need to write a poem about friends; but I'm not feeling very friendly though. And then I remember her...Cam...I want to write for her. I will write for Cam. "The mind is stronger than my body. God is stronger than my mind. "

We never even said hello...

10:53pm...

Unchain Your Mind | I'll Keep My Shoes On...Thank You

I foresee some upset people if they ever read this post. But it is what it is.

I recently posted a broad, yet slightly lengthy, status on Facebook about my experience and view on friends and friendship.

Bottom line: Everybody is not meant to be your friend for a lifetime!!

People define friendship differently, so I’m not knocking them. Out of my entire toddler and adolescent years, I have only remained in constant contact with one person. We’re not best friends, we don’t talk every day, and I probably can’t even tell you the latest current events in her life. But when we pick up the phone and chat, it’s like nothing ever happened. We catch each other up, laugh at our old inside jokes, reminisce, and enjoy conversation. This is basically how it goes with the six people that I consider true friends.

While I was in high school, I hung out with the same ten girls. We had a “clique” (even though we hated that term) name and everything. They were my friends…in high school. We still communicate from time to time, but they knew the teenage me, not the adult me. I’ve grown, matured, experienced some things that they haven’t and may never have to experience, and probably developed a completely different lifestyle than what they may be used to. Who knows... My love for them hasn’t changed, but I can’t call them my friend because they don’t know me.

I would honestly risk my life for each and every one of my friends and not think twice about it because I feel like they would do the same for me. They’ve either seen me grow into the adult that I am (and lived through it with me because I’m sure I blew up their phone!), or met me after I accepted me for who I finally found myself to be and still loved me.  Don’t get it twisted, I didn’t find myself to be anything ungodly or outrageous. Life’s situations just have a way of maturing you differently, and sometimes faster, than others.

Just because you were a friend for a moment, doesn’t make you a friend forever. I outgrow people very quickly. Without judging them, I see that we just aren’t on the same page in life and I don’t feel like putting on a different hat just to talk to you everytime because I’m afraid of what you might think of me if a curse word slips out or I tell you that my best friend is gay. I don’t need someone to tell me that my love life is moving too fast, non-existent, or in need of a little spice. I love you, but I gotta love you from a distance because I can’t let the foolery and childishness get to me.

So with that being said, some people will find themselves just like they assume my love life is…non-existent. You won’t understand my life until you walk a day in my shoes. And I don’t plan on taking them off to prove anything to you.

Unchain Your Mind | 8 things I've learned on this journey...

1.) Don't ask me to promote your stuff if you won't promote mine. 

I have an album for sale on several websites, a FB artist page, YouTube page, and a blog. At what point did you plan on purchasing or subscribing? Respect the hustle. It's give and take. 

2.) If you didn't write poetry before you met me, don't start now.

 I always get the "I always wanted to write" or "I keep a journal" lines. Poetry is open to interpretation. I encourage everyone, don't try to tap into your inner self in attempts to impress me. 

3.) I'm a people's poet. Not a poet's poet. 

That being said, my goal is to reach the people. Not to speak so deeply as to where they will have no idea where I'm coming from or what I'm saying. Which remind me...

4.) Don't kill me with metaphors that nobody can visualize.... EVER.

I was hearing a picture of you standing in a well of feelings looking for water. 

Wait...what?

5.) I am in every poem. In some way. 

Yes, most of my poems are about love, life, and love lost. That doesn't mean that it directly depicts my life. You won't find out who I am through my poetry. I promise. 

6.) If you offer me a line or inspire me to write a piece, that doesn't mean we should do a group piece. 

I don't need to elaborate do I?

7.) A poem starts in the heart long before it ever makes it to the page. 

Which is why you'll always find parts of me in each piece. 

8.) If you want to right better poetry, study better poetry. 

Unchain Your Mind

Unchain Your Mind | He Turned It!!

Won’t He do it?! Let’s start from the beginning.

July 2013

 An email is distributed to all E-5’s (my current rank) that are looking for a better job/position in the hospital. I was immediately interested and sent in the requested information. The job being offered gave me high visibility with plenty more opportunities to advance my career.

August 2013

I get an email with my interview date. By this time, I don’t even want the new job anymore because I like my current work schedule, position, and was apparently slotted in a position higher than my rank (being in an E-6 slot looks good for an E-5). I let my supervisor know that I was no longer interested but was still told to go to the interview. I get to the interview with the mindset of “I’m not taking this job so they’re just gonna make sure that’s my decision and leave it at that.”

They explained to me the pro’s and con’s of the my current position (which apparently doesn’t actually exist and neither does the E-6 slot…I was bamboozled!) After being smacked in the face, they asked if I still wanted to back out of the interview. My mind was not prepared to answer any interview questions but I went ahead and followed through on my original plan and decided to interview. Three hours later, I got the phone call saying that I got the job! I was chosen over four other candidates.

September 19^th2013

The Thursday before the Monday that I start my new job, I get a phone call saying that they decided not to choose me for the job. Excuse me? Did I miss something?! It was nothing personal, just a conflict in schedule.  I took it as a loss and didn’t stop my search for better career opportunities. Now let me take a moment to explain a little bit about where I work…

 

I work  in the hospital…the higher you are, the better opportunities you have. Now that you have a small visual…

October 7^th 2013

I get a call from my supervisor letting me know that I may need to switch positions with someone in my department in order to accommodate his personal/marital problems. Wait. What? Clearly I must have pissed off someone and didn’t know it. I had to find a better work environment before my morale plummeted significantly. I maintained my positive attitude and smiley face while at work but came home and complained to my mom. Of course, I got the “pray about it” and “it’ll all work out” speech. Not really what I wanted to hear.

October 11^th 2013

“He Turned It” by Tye Tribbett gets played all the way home. Why?! Because I got a phone call saying that I’d be working at Troop Command in an E-6 slot starting on 1Dec! Won’t He do it?! A position that I didn’t even know was available, didn’t know I was being looked at for, and never expected to fill! People apparently wanted this slot and I was chosen. What God has for me, is for me. 

And so the journey continues…

Unchain Your Mind | The Fork...

Sometimes I wonder if this journey is for me. My inner fighter tells me to keep pushing but my flesh tells me to just focus on something else. What am I referring to? My journey as a poet.

I’m not disappointed in album sales, I’m disappointed in the amount of people that I desire to reach that aren’t being reached. Maybe I should switch the genre in which is right about. Maybe I should think of profound inspirational relationship quotes like Rob Hill Sr. Perhaps I should focus on making people laugh. I’ve got a good sense of humor. Everyone has an opinion about the government…that could be an option……nah. That’s not who I am, as an artist or person. I can’t expect people to connect with unauthentic content.

People buy, but don’t share. Is it not powerful enough?

I was made to do this. I was made to help, heal, connect, and change. I just don’t know how to do it to its full effect. But I won’t stop until I do. This fork in the road…

Unchain Your Mind | Not My Will...

3:31am and I've been awake since 2am. Might as well write...I've been procrastinating, a horrible habit that I can't seem to shake. But in my defense, I work best under pressure. 

I was reading back through some of my old posts. "Open Doors II" was written two years ago and I vaguely remember writing that post. When I first started this blog, I had no idea what I would be doing with my poetry by now. I have mentioned times where I've been offered a contract with a label to record a Spoken Word CD & had to pass it up for various reasons. But in 2011, I spoke today into existence. I spoke to those closed doors and I unchained my mind. 

While in Korea, I decided to put more time into what makes me come alive: POETRY. I put my heart and soul into my writing and before I left Korea, God put the right people in my path for specific reasons. I met a friend and fellow poet who didn't even realize how much her talent, confidence in who she was, and insecurities inspired me. We built our first home in Korea together: a 10ft wide stage with 1 microphone. We founded, advertised, and hosted the largest open mic for soldiers in all of South Korea called "Poetic Action". I felt at peace up there when I spit. I helped people. I reached their innermost emotions & inspired some to write. 

In December 2012 I was asked to sign to another publisher & make a Spoken Word CD. It was finally time. But we all know that nothing worth having comes easily. I was leaving Korea in two months...that wasn't a lot of time to make a quality CD if I wasn't in the studio 24-7. Everyday I would wake up at 0500, go to work, get off at 430, be on the train(no vehicle in Korea) by 500, & in the studio until midnight. Two...months...straight. 

End result...Original tracks: free. Studio time: free. Becoming a registered songwriter/poet: free. Releasing my very first cd on iTunes, debuting it at my last Poetic Action, and selling out: ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!! God is truly an amazing God and knows when to say "Yes." and "Wait, not yet." I am an International Spoken Word Recording Artist. Fancy right?!

Sleep has finally found me. 

Unchain your mind and do what makes you come alive. 

Unchain Your Mind | Don't Call It A Comeback

Death has an abrupt way of giving you a deeper perspective on reality. Tonight, I just want to write. Not about anything in particular, but I want to write. I often debate between making a vlog and continuing my blog. People don’t really take the time to read much of anything anymore. Society has gotten so engulfed in ridiculous and imitation reality that they aren’t in touch with actual reality and people; the people that have real problems. Not the Basketball Wives, Being Amish, and whatever else.

I would do a vlog, but I’m too self conscious and think that the true essence of it would be drowned by shallow comments. No, I don’t have any type of deformities…my lisp doesn’t count…but I just want to express myself.  I’m privately open. See past the oxymoron for what I truly meant.

I kept putting off updating this blog for the longest. I didn’t feel like my life was interesting enough. But that’s not for me to judge. I have no idea who my story could help, inspire, or motivate. A few days ago, a girl that I knew back in high school passed away after battling cancer for almost 5yrs. She began to blog about her life with cancer the beginning of this year. I didn’t really follow it much. But when she passed, I was REALLY affected. I didn’t cry; I wept. I knew her to be a great person that was always smiling and so did everyone else that came in contact with her. She left this world while her husband and 4yr old daughter hold on to cherished moments and memories. But she inspired me in so many ways.

I don’t know what I’m going to do to honor her just yet, but I have to find something. If ever I’m famous, I’ll have to accredit some of my drive and motivation to her. We weren’t friends in high school or as adults. The only time I remember having any type of real interaction with her was in our sophomore psychology class when we clowned the teacher 24/7. But her life and her story was enough. I can say that I loved her and didn’t even know her. She was awesome. So I’ll do this, for her.

R.I.P. Camrn Turner
“The mind is stronger than the body. God is stronger than my mind.”

New updates to this page will be coming soon.

Korean Air

I’m writing this blog from the plane, and the plan is to post it as soon as I get some Internet connection in the hotel…

Whew! Talk about a crazy day! Kissing my son goodbye for an entire year has got to be one for THE hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Of course, with him only being 13months, he doesn’t understand the situation. He was so happy and carefree this morning. I turned his car seat from rear-facing to front-facing this morning so I could see my baby looking like a big boy before I left. He looked so excited. I didn’t cry as hard as I thought I would (moreso for fear of embarrassment…you know, the ugly cry face) but my heart still hurts. I’m sure the intermittent crying spells will continue for a while. But thank God for Skype! I called my mom as soon as I got to Atlanta for my connecting flight. She told me that when she dropped him off at daycare, he just started walking around saying “Mama, mama, mama, mama.” That truly made me smile.

Since I was rushing so much this morning to take care of more last minute things, I forgot my coat and some other essential items. Mind you, it’s just a measly 33 degrees in Korea! Thank God I had money to buy $36 Puma sweatshirt in the airport. Total robbery, but I’ll be warm until I can find something better. I’ve got 6hrs left on this 16hr flight and I’ve probably slept a total of 3-4hrs. I’m trying to beat jetlag. Lol. I’ve got a lot on my mind, but I’m not sure if this is the platform to reflect. You know, you can’t tell ALL your business!!

But I WILL say this. I’m looking forward to a change. Korea is going to be a new experience but this is going to be my first time as a single adult with no responsibility. I don’t plan on getting loose and forgetting my morals and values. I plan to do more growing and maturing. You have to find the positive in all situations.

I planned to use this time on the plane to write more poetry, but I’ve got so much on my mind that I can’t get a clear thought out. I don’t know how many poets read my blog, but have you ever had so many situations that are sooo good to write about that you can’t pick just one? That’s me right now. I could write for days on each subject and it would give me such release, but I just can’t seem to pick one.

*********RANDOM MOMENT*********

The lady at the checkout desk was nice enough to switch my seat from a middle seat, to a window seat J. Luckily for me (due to my extreme need for personal space), there’s nobody in the seat next to me. However, the older man that’s sitting on the outside creeps me out a little…he keeps looking over here at my computer. Sir…could you please pay attention to the movie that you have playing and stop trying to see what I’m doing? It’s making me totally uncomfortable. Smiles like it’s time for food. Since I packed my laptop charger in my suitcase, I have to conserve the full battery that I have. Tata for now!

I sure do wish I could tweet! KoreanAir, PLEASE get inflight Wi-Fi!

Promised Promotion

 

I know that I said I'd have this posted yesterday, but I got home late from my celebratory dinner.

Yesterday, I went to the promotion board. Now, I could take the time out and try to explain how the Army works, in terms of promotion, but that would make this post entirely too long. So if you have questions, then leave a comment. I'll try my best to break this down as simple as possible.

The promotion board generally consists of approximately 4 higher ranking personnel that sit on a board/panel and ask you tons of questions to test your knowledge in different areas (i.e. Army History, Army Regulations, First Aid...etc..). There is always one President of the board and that is person that you report to when you first enter the room. After you report, then you have to go through a series of facing movements (left face, right face, about face...) so that the board members can inspect your uniform. They may also tell you to recite one of the many Creeds before telling you to take a seat. Once you sit, you will sit at the position of attention and proceed to answer the questions that you are asked. There is a 321 page Study Guide that I had to study because they could have asked anything from that entire book. Here is a short little video on what a board is like. It may give you a better idea. It's only 3mins and then I'll tell you my story...

 

So, the President of my board was the CSM (Command Sergeant Major). Everyone's board experience is different, so I'll skip on the details. However, I will say that everything went well on the board! My hard work, dedication, and studying really paid off. I knew that it had to have been nobody but GOD!

So now, I am promotable. I am hoping to get promoted by the beginning of March. We shall see! In the mean time, I am packing my bags and getting ready to head to Korea in less than a week. :-(. My promotion was promised!